Ambiguous Sun Sign Predictions

Energy is going going. The pumping, jumping. Take a bow and do a whirl. Jupiter conjunct mars a few days ago and Galactivated our lives. Here’s a fun take on how you may experience that, via your Sun sign.

My oh my how time flies. Wild Aries you’ve been running so fast you just slowed down enough to take a picture. But off you go again. Please break to check your shoelaces on this mad dash of 2015. You’re ahead, don’t worry. Everyone knows you must be first. So we will allow it. Well, I mean you’re already too far ahead to chase after anyway. Don’t burn out and beware of headaches. Call your mom for advice or dinner to go. Try not to date right now. Focus on yourself for once. Just kidding, we all know that’s constantly your priority. So just keep being amazing.


Taurus, sorry to inconvenience your chronically slow pace. May be it’d be a good idea to set down the truffles and pick up the dumbbells. The remote is not an exercise. Yes, it was a hot Summer. Try peeking outside though. Summer is behind us. Go on a walk, the weather will only get shittier from here. You need to be grounding yourself these days. Hey it’s totally okay to drive by that Starbucks without going in. Pumpkin Spice season lasts through New Years. We all know you’re trying to savor every sip. Gross as it is. At least you’re taking time to love your loves right now. That’s very important for you. Use that selfish heart of yours. Pumpkin spice kisses for everyone. Ew.giphy-37

Holy shit you cannot stop talking right now jabbering on and on. Gemini your mind is going a thousand miles a minute lately. Pause for a moment, have a breath, write something down. Take this opportunity to fill up the ten half used moleskins on your dusty desk. Go look up for a minute. Enjoy your local smog or cloud cover. It may snow eventually. When you regain your breath press pause. What can you actually do with all this energy? Okay do it. New communication opportunities are practically begging to be had. Don’t talk so much you miss the memo. giphy-22

Oh no, Cancer. Times are changing for you. We all know that gives you major diarrhea. It’s okay, you’re doing great. You have lots of luck on your side. But the huge waves of energy coming in have surely got you on edge. You’re just not used to all this activity! Try some Kava Kava or smoke something refreshing. Try not to sulk. Communicate. Go on a distracting outing. May be you can call your Taurus friend and ask for dieting advice. All that pizza you ate this year is suddenly showing. But if you don’t care, neither does anyone else. You are in the major hot zone and attracting lots of attention lately. Of course you’re feeling suspicious. May be it’s a little displaced. May be people do like you. Either way, there’s Netflix.giphy-6

Leo! You have suddenly realized why you aren’t rich. Good for you. They key to your success was there all along. I mean, hello! Lifestyles of the rich and famous awaits. Caviar for all of us! The sudden jolt of career luck was definitely needed. You’ve made some poor choices this year out of desperation. Hopefully you’re over that play now. No one really liked that sheer snakeskin blouse on you either. Get rid of it. Time for a wardrobe boost. Leave the snakeskin for the Scorpios. Your light is shining brightly these days. You’re sure to attract all the attention you want. Get your hair done. Get some down time between the drinking. Try to take a nap or something actually. You look really tired.


Virgo, how crazy is your life right now? You are riding high and higher. Hope you’re not afraid of heights. You could totally plop. At least your sex life is getting a major boost. You’ll be showering more than usual. Try not to get too obsessive over anything that will distract you from work goals. Not that you would ever underperform. A heart of perfectly carved stone. We all love your cool demeanor. Right now you probably, actually feel blissful. Share that, it’s crumb free. Smiling is not a flaw. It does not crack your face. It will go back to full resting bitch mode. I promise. You can smile for us, virgo. Then go back to being cynical all you like.


The Sun just swept your sign, mighty Libra. You are *so* in balance right now. Keep looking in the mirror, you are really glowing. Life is a dream and you’re going to tell everyone about it. Get cozy with a chatty Gemini and the gossip just can’t quit it. Communicate as you may, you should put some effort into your intimate life. Selfies can wait. Although time is on your side right now, so make that trip to Sephora really count. You pretty much look amazing. On point. Brava! Ok, focus. In a few days Scorpio takes the reigns of the Sun and you’ll be left wishing you’d gotten laid more. Sad to say, Instagram can’t yeah back.


Hissss Scorpio! It’s your time of year. The season of the dead is creeping in and the ghouls are out to play. So much horror, it’s thrilling! Life is just gushing forth for you these days. You feel focused, powerful and mighty. Because, yeah, you are. Work is probably at center and you’re ready to rake in the cash. Just wait, something is new is coming your way. Here’s a great time to practice patience. Not your best quality. Money on your mind. Mind on your money. Go focus on halloween or something. Try listening to someone without proving a point. That’ll be fun. Or like listen to hip hop or something. So anyway, no one likes that pointed thing. Put your tail away and play nice for a while. It’s your season, bug.giphy-33

Sagittarius. Calm om feel the om. A call to order in your life. Are you settling down? The engine has gone into a slower gear. It is possible to *gasp* not travel sometimes. Press pause and bask in your own perfection. The spontaneous ticket to a far away place can wait. Invest some time in your work, you know, the job you have. Or want. Yeah, you can do that right now. Set your sights high, as usual, and apply for your dream job. It’s just out there, waiting for you to come and say hello, be mine. Too bad you’re such a commitment phobe. Oh you Sag kids take things so far. Try not to eat the entire jar of hemp butter when you’re done feeling lonely. Regardless, it’s okay to dance in place. Bring the drum. Say a while. Or not. No one is trying to hold you back. Just a suggestion. That’s all. giphy-28

All work no play makes Capricorn a rich fool. Hey that’s fine. At least you’re rich! Oh and sexy. Yeah you are feeling that vibe lately. Put it out there, but not all of it please. You’ve been too busy to get a pedicure and no one wants to see that. It may be time to add more black clothes to your closet. While you’re at it, clean out the closet. You are loaded with extra fuel these days. Is the bank account good enough yet? You really do put the Cap in capitalism. Take a break. Call your newly rich Leo friend and have a few too many $15 drinks. You can both regret it later, while weeping into your iPhone 6+ screens, as your bank Apps lay open for the world of Mexican buffet to see. Give it up. Enjoy life. Feel, the happy, Cappy. Oh and lay off the dairy a while, okay? Try some kale. Your skin is looking pasty as shit.questions

Aquarius! A trumpet plays your holy name! You’re feeling so free, like, totally freer than normal ya know. Hulaween is almost here. You’ve got enough LSD to kill an elephant. You’re *so* ready to mingle and tingle. I mean, goddess bless us all! Have you read a book lately? May be do that. Take some time for tea. The non mushroom kind. The spaceship rang and said you can’t come back yet. You need to come back to earth a while. Your mission is not yet complete. Yes, focusing on the cosmos is amazing, but your body lives here. Pay attention to it. Love it. Bathe it. Brush it’s hair and teeth. You don’t have to keep proving your age. We get it, there’s that dumb song. Calm down.

Pisces what is changing for you these days? Sorry, is that too much too fast? Such conflict. Can’t we just get along. There may be a big move coming. Don’t fight it fishy, get real. You deny things and you know it. You can’t polish water, so just let it shine. Sloppy is inevitable. We accept that about you. Think hard. You’re not dreaming lately because this is your dream. Are you conflicted? Why do you take so long to decide about big scary thoughts? Trust that flawless intuition. It may seem like everyone else has a guide to their life. Making money and shit. But you have the key to do that too. Just poke your head out every now and again. Get involved and get going. Hang out with an Aries. Slugs don’t win races. Blub.giphy-5

XxX- C

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